Friday, April 8, 2011

Bobby Blizzard

Today at work I probably drank eight gallons of water and as a consequence had to pee about 20 times. One of these times hit me hard and fast and as I was part skipping and run walking to the bathroom I was reminded of the time I met a football player named Bobby Blizzard.

When I was in college we all decided it would be a grand idea to have some drinks before we went to a party. This way we were guaranteed to be smashed by the end of the night even if nobody had anything to drink at the party. So being the responsible 18 year old that I was, I used my handy dandy older sister’s license and bought us all alcohol to enjoy.
When we had a good buzz, we all piled into the cars, with our DD’s, and headed out to let the shenanigans ensue. As we were driving, our friends behind us flashed their brights and one of the boys in my car thought it would be funny to flash them back with giving them the bird. Well…. come to find out it wasn’t our friend behind us, and it wasn’t funny.

A black SUV of very large men pulled up beside us and rolled down the windows. One of the boys in my car yelled, “Oh my God! That’s Bobby Blizzard!” in a, I love that guy, slash, I’m terrified, sort of way. For those of you that don’t know, ol’ Bobby was a Wildcat football player who had many football friends. So, It was at this point, through the yelling, screaming, and cussing, that we realized all the boys in my car were about to die because there was a red light up ahead. We all start screaming at our DD to step on it! Through all the mayhem the driver made the only sober decision he could think of and floored it through the light ahead leaving Bob and his buddies behind. Win! However, what we didn’t see was the lovely lady cop sitting at the same red light. She of course did her duty and pulled us over. Lose! Now, I've had copious amounts of drinks by this point in the night and I’m holding my boyfriends open container and I have to pee, really, really, reeeeeeally bad. Our driver explained that we were being chased by large angry football boys and that we HAD to run the light or she would have been picking up the pieces of our bodies from the side of the road. She listened, talked, gave our DD a sobriety test, talked some more, and then made us wait for about 10 minutes while she checked on some stuff in her car. Did I mention that I had to pee? Yeah, so by the time we had been sitting for about 30 minutes I was in tears. Oh, and while I’m holding it, I have a beer bottle pushed up against the car seat behind my calf and my leg is cramping. The boys were great and kept telling me to hang on we’re almost in the clear, it’s going to be okay, you’re not going to jail, and please don’t pee in my car. The lady cop reappeared and blessed our DD with a ticket for running the red light and then let us go to continue our night. The boys cheered and I cried and laughed from relief. Once we finally made it to the party we became heroes because we escaped Bob Blizzard, the lady cop, and I got to pee behind a bush. Phew!